http://www.deadjournal.com/users/rainwatcher/
this is my new blogie journal thingie
Posted at 07:19 am by aloneinlife
She always sat in the back of the class.Huge crowds always made her nerverse She always wanted to dissapear and till this day she still does At school she was in peace it was the place she loved she wanted to stay forever and never go home because she didnt want to go to home is because it was the ultamate hell she hated it there her parents always telling her to be happy yet there always saying its never good enuf she sits in her room wile her mom and new stepdad and her adoptiddad talk they act like she cant here them but she does.....
she hates them she hates them all one day she will leave though and it will be the best day of her life 2 years 11 days and shes out of there!!!she wishes she was never born and she crys everynight she dosnt want anything to do with her family...
i wish i could take my life i wish i could end it now i wish i had enuf will to pull the final string i wish i wasnt some week person they do all this crap to me and they ask why i cut myself i wish that day was soon and i wish my days would end all i know is my two story window is looking really inviting I HATE THEM I HATE ALL OF THEM I HATE MY MOM I HATE DON I HATE CRAIG ESPECALLY CRAIG I HATE RON I HATE NATALIE I WISH THEY WOULD ALL BURN IN HELL FOREVER
Posted at 07:17 am by aloneinlife
well whats going on alll not much here juss hanging out at bartlett yay hmmm well yeah when i went to the mall there was this really punk guy with a really tall blue spikie mohawk it was so hot i would have said something to him if i wasnt with my mom and step dad to be yeah i dont really like them when i move out its going to be the greatest day of all and i cant wait till that day i wish that i could see my friends and i might if they go to church on the ummm well the wednessday before my b day i think its like the umm 24th or so yeah hmmm well that wednessday and the sunday before that too yay i am going to go to my aunts house all spring break well my aunt wont be there but my grandma will be *scared* well umm well im so bored and school is a drag i dont have band at all today so that kinda sucks and i have science first hour then math then umm well i dont now yet cuz my brain is to tired to think when i turn 18 i decided i didnt want my lip peirced but i still want my eyebrow hehe ummm today i was getting yelled at by my stepdad to be and i put a lill red washout hair dye in my bangs and like he flipped and you can barly see it anyways and like grrr i want out of the house so bad its like 11 days till spring break and i wont have to see my mom or new step dad that hole time yay well going to go now so see yall later *and abbs if you read this give me some webites to look at cuz i dont have any well ttyl love yous all * love me
charlie
Posted at 07:16 am by aloneinlife
school is so boring i was almost late to the bus and like i was having a real bad morning abbies tell ane im sorry it didnt work out and like tell her not to be mad but like member jennie from homecoming she might come back to bartlett that would be so cool then i would have someone to hang out with hmmm welll school kinda sucks when you have no friends and you seem to do better too like in math i have the only A and then there was a C- a D- a D+ and the rest were fs so haha to them well the bell juss rang so gots to go byebye
Posted at 07:20 am by aloneinlife
well it s friday and i was souposed to go to the mideveil fair but i didnt have a costume so i decided i didnt wasnt to sit in the dunjo the hole time so i didnt o welli gots to go take a wiz so im going to go oops 3 mins till class starts byebye
Posted at 12:37 pm by aloneinlife
life in general;narfinkle
its a general life funfun..funfun narfinkle NaRfInKlE NARFINKLE
Posted at 07:18 am by aloneinlife
wow it seems like forever
well since theres such thing as school i get to email ppl im so happy my mom has made it very hard for me to dp anything and i never get to go online when im home i havnt been on in so long its hard to type i usually go to the band room first in the morning but not now cuz like i like to talk to my friends online hehewell um im going to go check my mail so ttyl and love you abbies and seanies and everyone else
Posted at 07:09 am by aloneinlife
Hmm well im packing right now... really boring and im talking to people online like um kelsey and some other uniportant people like um i dont know hmm. well yeah i have to move with my mom i will be gone thursday i dont know if i will make it cuz it makes me so depressed i have began to cut myself again and i just hope she dosnt see it or else ill be in therapy and she already wants to get me on anti depressants o boy all i keep doing is crying and thinking and wrighting i actually wrote a poem that somewhat rymes o boy but im not going to share it...everyone alaways finds some one that they like and get them why cant i im always having guy and family and friend issuses they never stop so i just drown myself in my music it helps sometimes not all the time though right now im listing to a goodie but a funny its um stand by me with timon and pumba and head strong by trapped. i like a lot of anti flag (bruces fault) and river city rebels (also bruces fault) hmm well yeah i hate boys men guys whatever you want to call them i hate being hurt all the time so i dont want to assosiate myself with them cuz they only hurt ahhhh gahhh girr hmm well i get to go to school on wed and thurs but thats the last time i will be there so yeah
Why must i be such a poser im the biggest poser i know and i deserve to die gahh er um yeah well i must go pack up my life i will write back here agian if i ever get the chance again
YaTtA always XaloneXinXlifeX
Posted at 03:21 pm by aloneinlife
I know how ppl get anoyed with all the suisidle ppl and you know what i dont care the cuts and scatches keep on bleeding and i dont deserve anything anyone im just a bad person who deserves to rot in hell i dont want to be alive anymore .....
and the hole bruce thing wow i new it would end this way ...but i dont now why i still did it when it just cause more pain then happieness
i have to move and like i cant pack my stuff cuz i break down and cry people say they r there for me but i still feel alone no matter what im alone in life i will always be alone and i deserve it i deserve it all i deserve a first class ticket to hell and no where else i hate me and my life i want it to end well i cant type right now cuz my arm hurts were its cut and scratched so laters and dont care for me
xalonexinxlifexalwaysx
Posted at 01:45 am by aloneinlife
a non ryming peom of how i feel right now so dont critisize tay
The feelings always keep coming back,
Im trying to tell my self no its bad,
the pain seems the only way out,
death seems the same also.
i want this pain to stop,
im tired of the nagging and hating,
i just want to get away,
to anywhere no matter where that is,
i hate how i feel i hate who i am,
i want it to stop,
i want to die i want to make it all quit,
who would care i cant think of any body mabye abbie ,
but i guess i will never really now,
unless i do it
I DIE!
Now im sure thats the crappyest poem ever its not meant to ryme or anything just to get my feelings out my ultamate wish to be dead to the world i dont know how much i will be able to care that people would be sad if i died but if things keep going how it is then it wont be long
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more awake
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is
Another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow
Just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take
But I know
I may end up failing too
And I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
the song above(linkin park numb) is how i feel most of the time in generall life time 20 though
i dont really know what else to say tonigh sept i hate me and i always will and i hate life and when im 18 im going to dissapear to somewhere i will never have to see my family again
Posted at 10:39 pm by aloneinlife
